i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
