i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
