i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
