carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
