I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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