i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
