Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
