you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
