I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
