Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
