what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
