So gin and wine won't be happening again
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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