I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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