I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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