Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
we should paint friendship bongs
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