is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
