When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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