we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
