we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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