yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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