I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
