What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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