I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
