i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
