1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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