Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
