I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
