You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
