Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
