what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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