i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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