I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
