Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
