If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
