there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
