I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Someone shit on the floor
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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