I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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