ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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