Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
