so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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