you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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