mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
