the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it was like eating out sand paper
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
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