my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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