Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
one might say we're banned from that church
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
