I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm passing your future prison.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
