It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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