I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I would fuck him just for his dog
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
