This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
