He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
