I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
